Where is the line between branding and bragging?

When I moved to Chicago I was nineteen. I made friends right away. My friend Eddie was a bartender at a punk rock club where I sang sometimes. One day Eddie said “Come with me to a party at my boss’s house.”

“Does your boss own the bar?” I asked him.

“No,” he said, “this is my other boss. I live rent-free in an apartment building owned by this guy Charles. He owns a lot of apartment buildings. He lets me stay there for free because I handle the tenants, collect the rent payments, call the plumber and stuff like that.”

“Is he a nice guy?” I asked Eddie.

“Charles is a character,” said Eddie. “He’s okay. He throws great parties.” We got in Eddie’s car and traveled north to Lake Forest, where Charles lived in a huge mansion with his family.

At Charles’ party about fifty young people milled around, nibbling on Chinese food and drinking wine. Charles had laid out an incredible spread. “Come and meet Charles,” said Eddie. “He’s excited to meet you.”

“Me?” I asked. “Why?”

“Because he likes to talk about stuff, the way you do,” said Eddie. “I told him I have a friend who sings opera, and he said ‘Bring her to my next party!'”

Eddie introduced me to Charles, a jolly, portly guy of about forty-five. I complimented his home and his Chinese food. “You sing opera?” he asked. “Where are you singing now?”

“I’m singing the soprano parts for a marionette show where the marionettes perform operas,” I said. “The puppeteer is a genius. You should come some time.”

“That’s okay, I have season tickets at the Lyric Opera,” said Charles. “Lucky!” I said. “I got in free at the Lyric one time, because they were short an usher and they called me to sub.”

“Do you know anything about real estate?” Charles asked.

“Not a thing,” I said. I thought Charles was going to make a real estate-opera connection somehow, or say something interesting about real estate.

“I’m a real estate guy,” he said. “I own two hundred apartment buildings. I’m a developer, too.” I didn’t know what that meant.

“I just finished a big project – forty mil,” Charles continued. I was lost. Why is he telling me this stuff? I wondered.

“That’s fantastic!” I said. “Yeah, I’ve done okay,” Charles continued. “I have a yacht. I’ll take you kids out on the lake one day. My wife and I have this home, and another one in Boca Raton. We have a pilot who flies us down there so we don’t have to wait in line at the airport.”

“That’s tremendous!” I said. Once Charles put the needle down on the record he knew so well, he was unstoppable. “I own part of a racehorse with some buddies of mine,” he said. “Which part of the horse do you own?” I asked, and Charles laughed.

Driving home with Eddie, I said “What is the story with Charles?”

“Charles is a sad dude,” said Eddie. “He’s a windbag. I’m sure he told you how rich he is. He told you about his part of a racehorse, right?” “Yes,” I said.

“Notice that Charles’ wife was nowhere to be seen,” said Eddie. “She’s sick of him. His only friend is his dog. Charles doesn’t know who he is behind the suit and the big house. That’s why he has these parties for his employees. He wants to feel like he has friends, so he buys us Chinese food.”

Sad and fearful people like Charles praise themselves to anyone who will listen. Confident people don’t need to do that. When they meet someone new, they say “I am Charles,” and then they ask questions. They stay inside themselves.

People say that a brand is what people say about you when you’re not in the room. What do people say about Charles? Some people who know Charles would say that they feel sorry for him. Other people would say “I want to know that guy – he’s rich and powerful!” Fearful people attract other fearful people.

You don’t have to praise yourself in your branding any more than Charles has to impress nineteen-year-old punk rockers by talking about his yacht.

You can grow your flame and stop worrying about what other people think of you — employers and recruiters included.

We have been taught some horrible things about personal branding. We’ve been taught to brag and tell people how awesome we are. That’s an awful idea. You are awesome when you stay in your body, tell your story and let other people decide what to think about you. You are powerful then.

“I’m a savvy, strategic Business Professional” is a typically braggy and therefore sad personal brand. Are you savvy? That is not your call. That is for someone else to decide, and more importantly, it’s a situational attribute. No one is always savvy. We are savvy in some situations and clueless in others.

If you want to brand yourself, sit on the floor or in a cozy chair and collect yourself. Ground yourself. Forget about impressing people. Anyone who needs to be impressed isn’t worth your time or energy.

Gather yourself and say “Who am I?” Maybe you are someone who loves poetry and animals. Maybe you’re a teacher, working in the business world and teaching people how to use Excel.

Your story is your brand. When you write about yourself, for instance in the Summary to your Human-Voiced Resume, you can simply tell your story.

As a kid I dug up ‘dinosaur bones’ in my backyard and now I dig up research as a corporate librarian. I’m an information sleuth. I love to find and compile data and insights that help my CEO make better decisions.

This corporate librarian, Corinne, had gotten nowhere in her job search until she put a little human feeling into her Human-Voiced Resume Summary. Then her phone started ringing – but why? Corinne got a new job because she stepped out of the traditional box and came alive in her resume. Corinne ditched the traditional zombie language and put herself out there on the page.

Corinne tells the world in her resume and in her LinkedIn profile what she loves to do. She doesn’t use praising adjectives like “strategic,” “savvy” or “world-class.” Why would Corinne use her branding paragraph to beg perfect strangers to like or admire her?

Corinne doesn’t care who thinks she’s smart and who doesn’t. She knows that there are seven billion people in the world, and not everyone will jam to her brand of jazz. So what?

Corinne has too much mojo to grovel. Praising yourself, of course, is a form of groveling. It is a fear-based approach to branding.

You can tell your simple, amazing human story in your branding, and I hope you will. Only the people who get you, deserve you!

This article is published in collaboration with LinkedIn. Publication does not imply endorsement of views by the World Economic Forum.

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Author: Liz Ryan is CEO and Founder, Human Workplace.

Image: An attendee is interviewed by a company representative during the JOBarcelona’14 at the Palau de Congressos de Catalunya in Barcelona. REUTERS/Gustau Nacarino